When I was 35 we decided the time was right to have children. After a few months nothing had happened and we were referred for IVF. Over the next 3 years we went through 6 rounds, stopping when I was 40. We knew we needed to draw a line in the sand but it was so hard. We were never offered support or help of any kind and felt as if we were the only people in the world who couldn’t have children. Only our parents knew and talking to friends about it felt impossible.
My 40th birthday was a low point. I felt completely alone; I didn’t know who I was or my place in the world. On the outside I was projecting the Lesley who was ambivalent about children, the Lesley that was tough and strong; but inside I was falling apart. I know now that I was grieving, but I didn’t know then. I just assumed I felt sad.
We hibernated for about a year and didn’t see friends because we couldn’t cope with children. Then we joined MTL (More to Life) and met some couples who went on to become our closest friends.
It took me over ten years to get my life back and I’m now in a place where I love the wonderful life that I now have.
And I want other women to know that they can have this too.